It must be a universal truth that men and women will argue about who is doing their share around the house. I will admit to you that possibly my expectations are a little high. But as I told my husband just this Sunday, if I know that he is capable of becoming the perfect husband then why should I not push him to complete his training?His response was that I needed to get out of the house more. He says that if I took a look around at the other husbands in the world, I would be more than satisfied with his current body of work. And sometimes he does have a point.
The discussion came up after attending church that morning and watching the couple in front of us handle their newborn during services. The husband came in carrying the baby and to his credit kept her busy for the first 10 minutes. However, that was the end of his assistance. After those ten minutes were up, Mommy had the baby. Mommy fed the baby her bottle, mommy gave the baby a toy, mommy discreetly breast fed the baby, mommy held the baby while she took a nap… you’re getting the theme here.
The kicker came toward the end when Mom stood up with the baby in one arm, reached down for the hymnal with the other, managed to find the correct page with one hand and held both the baby and the heavy book while the husband leaned over her shoulder to read with her. At the end of services I’m pretty sure Mom carried out the diaper bag, her purse and the baby.
Dad looks like a nice enough guy to me, which means he’s probably just suffering from what I’ll fondly refer to as “Postpartum blindness”. Some men just don’t see when they’re needed, or when they should just step in anyway. We’re moms and we can handle it, that’s true. We’ve learned how to do everything ourselves and if enough time goes by we start to prefer doing things our own way and without your help - but that is merely a self-defense mechanism because we’ve found not to expect anymore than what we’re willing to fight for.
It’s probably in God’s plan that this be our training to deal with our children down the road. Before cleaning up a mess, we’ll think to ourselves, “I really should make the children clean this up themselves.” But what will take more time and aggravation? Fighting and yelling and nagging about the toys on the floor or just doing it ourselves. The path we take is then often dictated by how exhausted we are, and oftentimes it’s just more tiring to fight about it.
Perhaps I do expect too much from my husband at times. I do expect him to help me when I haven’t asked for it. I do expect him to know when I need a break from the children. And I do expect him to read my mind on occasion. But after my head has spun around and the children are cowering in the corner, you’d think he’d take the hint.
