I’ve been in a purge mode at my house. I’m donating items by the truckload it seems: clothes, dishes, toys. Call it early spring cleaning. It started with my sister having a baby: I had plenty of young clothes with more months of use in them, so I packed them up. Then I moved onto the toys and my own clothes.
But yesterday I was stopped in my tracks. I pulled down two bins of clothing from my closet to find my old maternity clothes. I dumped them onto the floor and then put them in plastic bags. But rather than load them into the trunk with the rest of the stuff, I hesitated. Am I really ready to discard them?
This is really a ridiculous argument in some ways: We have the all-American family: 2.5 kids (a boy, a girl and a dog), a house in the burbs, two good jobs and our kids in good schools. I’ll be 37 on my next birthday. My kids are out of diapers and for the first time in nearly six years, I have my body to myself: I’m not pregnant and I’m not nursing! That alone should answer the question.
But it came up recently (actually, has it ever gone away?). My husband has always wanted a third child. I clearly remember the first time he mentioned it two years ago. That same week I was in the bathroom at 2 a.m. with one kid on each knee and both barfing into the toilet. ANOTHER BABY? Are you crazy? And while the throw up hasn’t stopped (this weekend was a fine example), my kids are more self-sufficient and don’t need mom and dad to be there all the time for them.
I know the problem: I have two great kids, so why not try it again? Then again, why mess with a good thing? Both my kids have asked for a brother, wouldn’t you know it. Timing is a bit of a crutch: I actually found myself doing calculations last night. We’ve booked a cruise for next August for our 10th anniversary. And I don’t want to mess with that, nor do I really want a baby in tow. And when we thought I was pregnant recently, and found out I wasn’t, I was relieved and a little sad, at the same time.
I don’t know how people come to a FINAL, FINAL decision on this. I have two cousins who each had one and are done. I have three cousins who have five kids – each. My other family members all fall somewhere in between. My friends are the same way.
So perhaps in the next few months a decision – or in a few years, menopause – will catch up with me. In the meantime, I’ll keep hanging out with my friends’ babies. And that bag of maternity clothes? It’s sitting in the corner of my closet.