I’m not sure that these blogs tell you what time they are written, but I’ll give you a little clue. It is 4 hours past my bedtime and I’m not even the teensiest bit ready for bed. I wish I had someone else to blame tonight, but in this case the finger points clearly in my direction. I inadvertently drank some caffeine at 10pm this evening, and we all know what that means.
I am awake. And when I’m lying in bed and I’m wide awake like this I tend to think too much. Much too much. I begin to think of all the things I regret in my life. Small things, big things, long term, short term. And then I start to beat myself up over the insignificant minutia of the past day or the past week. Silly things like a stupid remark I made today at the book store or crazy things like not cleaning the coffee pot yet.
My personal expectations are probably too high. I do realize this. But isn’t that what drives most of us to success? Isn’t this the type of angst that propels successful people to bigger and better lives, pursuits, dreams?
Perhaps not. Perhaps I’ve got this whole thing wrong. Perhaps the truly “successful” people of this world are those that sleep well at night. Those that don’t worry about every drawer left open or every sentence left hanging. Perhaps to let go of your faults and wake up to a new day without regret is all the success we truly need.
But how to begin. How to turn over a new leaf at this late stage of the game. Some would say I should turn over my worries to God. Tell Him my problems and trust Him to figure out what’s worth all the trouble and what’s not.
I’ve been reading a book that was given to me titled Too Busy Not to Pray. And I’ll be honest, the beginning didn’t draw me in. But the next time I picked it up I skipped to the middle and opened to a page at random. The author was talking about the motives behind prayer. He said, it’s important to look at what we’re asking of God before we ask it. Is what you’re asking for appropriate? Is it the right time? Is it not self-serving?
Sometimes yes and sometimes no. I find myself most commonly asking God for blanket reassurances of safety. I just want my family and I to be happy and healthy and safe. But every now and again I will catch my inner consciousness asking for ridiculous or what you’d call “low ticket items” as well.
And He just doesn’t have the time for that. I know it and He knows it. But I know He has forgiven me for my weaknesses, and will ignore my trifles at His will.
Because most assuredly, He sleeps well at night.
Katie,
No matter how bigor small, God wants us to come to Him with all that we are and all that concerns us. He can handle our petty or worrisome selfs. He does not however give us the assurance that everything will be happy and safe. He does say He will always walk with us. Dont concern yourself with how or why you are going to Him…just go.